To my Christian Feminist Daughters

Dear CFd’s (little d),

First of all, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart that I have fallen completely and totally in love with both of you. Head over heels. The little girls that you are, and the women you will become, are my “daddy-crush” that at times incapacitates my rational thought patterns altogether. You fill my life with joy. You are an unending source of happiness for my soul.

I knew you were coming a long time ago, you know. You were in my dreams – the ones I begged not to end through waking. I have had an awareness since I was 12 that someday I would be your daddy, though sometimes I did doubt. I waited nearly 20 years, more than half my lifetime, to meet you. It was all worth it to see you the first time. I hope you know how much of a treasure you are to your daddy.

CFd#1, you are my daddy’s girl. I don’t know how long that will last but I’ll take it as long as I can. Even as a toddler you want nothing more than to help daddy. I’ll teach you to play drums, piano, guitar, whatever you want to do “with daddy”. Do you want to sit with me and work with audio mixers? I’m totally down with that, honey. You love figuring things out and solving problems. You’re so courageous, taking life by the horns. You’ve been a kind-hearted person for as long as I can remember, and I adore that about you. I love our wrestling/tickling sessions. You will always be able to look back and see pride on my face for you

CFd#2, I love my little cuddle-bug. You have no idea how much my heart melts when you lay your head on my shoulder. I know CFM is lovin’ it too. I’m amazed at the personality you’ve acquired at such a young age. It cracks me up how chill you are about everything! I like to think you got that from me. At least that’s what I’m gonna tell everybody. I don’t believe i will ever tire of your smile.

I know the world in which you will grow up will be different than mine.  Some of that is intentional on my part, and some of that is just the way life works. However, some of it will simply be society’s programmed response to our differing genetics. Many people around us believe that your female-ness is cause for other arbitrary differences in treatment. It’s a real shame because rarely will this work in your favor. It’s not OK, and I’m going to do everything I can to combat this. I’m going to try to teach you how to live to your fullest potential in spite of what society throws in your path. I want you to know that I believe in you.

As you grow older, you will find that people assume things about your actions based on their own prejudices. You’ll be told that you’re wearing too many clothes, or not wearing enough. You’ll be expected to be quiet, except for when you shouldn’t be. People will frown on everything you do and tell you to do less of it, and you won’t know why. It will seem as though every decision you make is the wrong one. You’ll be criticized on all sides.

I want you to know that the reason for this isn’t because of you. It isn’t your actions that are causing the uproar. It wouldn’t matter to these people what you did. The problem is their view of what you are; it is screwed-up reasoning in their minds. This is why when you follow your own preferences you draw their ire, and it’s also why when you follow their demands they get even more upset. You see, to these people you fit the categorization of “female” and that will always be “lesser” to them. It isn’t that your femininity is negative. You shouldn’t do more masculine things to make them happy; they won’t be pleased with that anyway. In their mind you are a woman, and that makes you less, smaller, weaker, even when you do “man things”. Especially when you do “man things”.

I sincerely and earnestly wish this wasn’t the case. I ardently desire to wave a magic wand and give you a life without this uphill battle. However I fear that this mindset won’t be going away for another several generations (should the Lord tarry). The only thing I can hope to do is prepare you to deal with it and to support you when you encounter it. I’ll enjoy watching you be skilled at all sorts of things. I don’t want you to be afraid to try something just because people say it’s for men. At the same time I don’t want you doing things just because you think being faux-masculine will make you more likeable. Revel in your own brand of you-ness. Get dirty and play sports if you want. Wear pink and do your nails if you like. Wear dresses if you love them. Or maybe t-shirts and jeans are more comfortable. Do cosplay and pine for your favorite Doctor, Starship Captain, Action Hero, Whatever. Do you love children? Me too! Be a leader, or be a follower, your choice. Build space stations and skyscrapers. Fix computers. Cook fine cuisine. Dream. Paint. Draw. Play instruments. Sing in a band, or a musical. Dance if you want. Be stoic, or emotionally sensitive. Wear your heart on your sleeve, or keep it for only your closest loved ones. Talk a lot, or be known for your silent contemplation.

Or do all these things. None of them are mutually exclusive. We all know you’ll rock whatever the Lord calls you to do.

Little ones, I love you. I know you are going to change the world. Your Creator made you the way He did for a reason; He doesn’t think you’re less.

Neither does your daddy.

With love and affection forever,
Your biggest fan and CFD (big D)


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